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Fallen by ~Tsirachel:iconTsirachel:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Human Nature > Fixed


Grief can overcome a soul.
Beautiful, she waits for their
Decaying hearts as charred as coal.
She hisses for a doubt to share.

Lovely does her shadow loom.
It strikes the shriveled child within.
Forgotten petals, wasted blooms
Have long been lost in certain sin.

Wrathful words she whispers still,
And promises of lies he weaves.
He loved her once, he had his fill,
Now drunk, he takes her heart and leaves.

Grief can overcome a soul,
Though friends we were before that fall.
Where was love, now lies a hole
And she heeds only Morning now.
©2009 ~Tsirachel
:icontsirachel:

Author's Comments

Written for CartheInsane's Connection #14.

Someone who regrets a past action and thinks there's no forgiveness often tries to pull others into their circle. There really is a reason for the phrase "misery loves company." I can't be around people like that very long, no matter how much I love them.

Comments


love 0 0 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconfridgecrisis:
*Fridgecrisis Jun 21, 2009, 6:37:59 PM
Oooh. I like this, Rachel! The meter and rhyme are very nice, very pleasing to read. The emotion comes across very well, too.

My favorite lines are "He loved her once, he had his fill, / Now drunk, he takes her heart and leaves." That's a very natural yet powerful image.

--
Check out my novel-in-progress, Orphan Wars!
:iconkazumisangel:
~kazumisangel Jun 22, 2009, 5:07:13 AM
Wow, I really love the flow of this! I really thought it was interesting how in the last stanza only two of the lines rhyme, it really finalizes the poem and breaks away from the mold.

--
"It's four o'clock in the morning, damn it, listen to me good...You're a butterfly, and butterflies are free to fly. Fly away, high away, bye bye."

~Elton John "Someone Saved My Life Tonight"
:iconcartheinsane:
=CartheInsane Jun 22, 2009, 3:21:14 PM
A marvelous use of the structure given. :)

--
~I am a poet~
:icontsirachel:
~Tsirachel Jun 22, 2009, 5:35:59 PM
Thank you very much. :D I didn't spend too much time revising. I thought about making them rhyme but both lines said expressed their thought so perfectly, I couldn't bear to alter them.

And thank you for the fave! :hug:
:icontsirachel:
~Tsirachel Jun 22, 2009, 5:38:43 PM
Thank you! Mwah. Michael came in while I was writing it and told me I was being emo. It kinda threw me off a little bit, because it's not really emo; at least I think it isn't. I'm glad to hear that someone likes it.
:iconfridgecrisis:
*Fridgecrisis Jun 24, 2009, 9:13:25 AM
Yeah, don't worry about being emo. Poetry like this is about emotion, so that makes it good. Some people won't like it, but others will. I thought it was good. :)

--
Check out my novel-in-progress, Orphan Wars!
:iconcartheinsane:
=CartheInsane Jul 5, 2009, 5:35:48 PM
You're welcome. :D

--
~I am a poet~
:icononeofthose-rachels:
~oneofthose-rachels Sep 22, 2009, 5:34:59 AM
"He loved her once, he had his fill,
Now drunk, he takes her heart and leaves."

oh this is incredible.
i love how the rhyme flows so naturally. :heart:

--
it was sunday and it was too crowded for thoughts. i was coming out of a store. our eyes met.
we stared.

then we looked away.
__

....how to die for a night
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